Too Busy for a Relationship?

4 Tips to Living a Relationship-Friendly Lifestyle

Being busy can be healthy, but being “too busy” is absolutely not healthy. Being active and engaged and inspired, yes that’s healthy. But being drained, overwhelmed and stressed out is not. It’s a fine line and most of us have crossed over it, leaving no room for an intimate relationship. Leaving us feeling lonelier than ever before despite being the most technologically advanced than we have ever been. Today being too busy causes people to feel less in touch, creates the modern dating scene of disconnection and fosters a world where we feel spiritually, emotionally and physically “off”. Is it a reasonable expectation to find, and maintain a relationship, while living life this way? We know we can’t juggle anything more, yet we still yearn for that connection in our life. So, what can we do about it?

How did we get so busy in the first place?

With all of the new technology and faster, easier ways of communicating, shouldn’t we theoretically be less busy and have more free time? Shouldn’t it be easier than ever to connect with and find our soulmate? Yet we find ourselves with less time and more to do. We are spending more and more time doing things we’ve never done before, like posting on social media or texting from our mobile device. These activities, while they feel quick in the moment, actually can cause us to feel busier.  The sense that we are always “on” or always “checking in” can lead to higher levels of stress, and less likely to have the time, energy or capacity to truly connect with others.

Why do we keep ourselves so busy in the first place?

Perhaps a part of us actually believes that being busy is a good thing. It allows us to tell other people we’re not idle.  That we have “a life”. We have things to do, we’re important, we’re needed. Busy equals success in our minds.  For many people, this busyness has become a state of being that is a “sickness”. Some are even calling it a disease, or rather a dis-ease.  A state that puts us out ease. When we’re out of ease, we becomes stressed. And stress can lead to a laundry list of health and lifestyle concerns most people would like to avoid and do not support the development of a healthy, happy relationship we’re yearning for.

Deciding to not be busy is a choice we can make.

But first we need to have a mindset shift and realize that being busy is not who we are as a person. Even though it’s all around us, we don’t have to identify with the role of a busy person. We can decide to take on less and instead experience more peace and space.  Letting go of society’s expectations and deciding who we really want to be is a choice. We can choose to be our authentic selves and increase the chances of connecting with our ideal partner.

Consider This

You might be thinking, “Hey, I really am busy and there’s nothing I can do about it.” or “I like being busy.” There’s no denying we are all busier today than ever before, but taking a look at what is filling up our lives to the point of exhaustion is a good exercise. You might find that half of the things keeping you busy really don’t fulfill you.  What if the things you think are priorities are actually just the things that hold you back from moving towards what you truly desire? Holding you back from your happily ever after?

Four steps to a less-busy lifestyle

Try one or more of these steps to support you in reducing your busyness and creating more peace of mind.

Take an inventory of your busy life.

What is filling up your busyness? What is on your plate? Does it really need to be? How effective is it really? Do you enjoy it? Why are you really doing it? Write it all down on a piece of paper and determine what activities you could eliminate. What would be the impact of eliminating one or two things on the list?

While you might forego something you think is important, would there be an equal or greater benefit to not doing it? Once you take your inventory, be prepared to share it with others in your life and let them know you are going to be making some changes.  Be prepared that not everyone will agree with you. Stick to your new plan and try it for 30 days. These changes could be what creates space, time and energy for your forever partner.

Be present amongst the chaos.  

While you have a lot on your plate, try to focus on what is right in front of you rather than thinking about the next thing. Present, not future. If you find you have a lot to get through in a day, take each thing as it comes and keep breathing through it.  Let your breath be a reminder to your mind to stay present. It takes practice to train your mind to stay in the present, but give it a try. At least while you are busy being busy, you can be breathing and keeping your body in a more relaxed state. Practicing the skill of being present is essential to enjoying a lasting, connected relationship. 

Focus on what you do best and what you enjoy most.

Stop trying to be everything and do everything. Determine what you really need to be doing and do that. If you’re in business for yourself, figure out your unique skills and talents and focus in on what you do best rather than trying to do things that really are not your natural skill set. This is about honing in on what you are really good at and what you enjoy, and leaving the rest to someone else.  

In your personal life, it might mean giving up some things that even though you think they are important or even fun, they don’t ultimately lead to more peace and pleasure. Learning the art of letting go and prioritizing your life are important skills to incorporating a healthy relationship into your life.

Remember you are a human-being, not a human-doing.

You are not meant to go 24-7 at 100 miles per hour.  You are not a machine. Your body needs to refuel. Your mind needs to rest. Sometimes it’s the rest and the non-busyness that scares us. We wonder what we’ll find out about ourselves if we slow down. Keep in mind, anything that frightens us is usually worth investigating and you might discover something new about yourself. If this is something that you find yourself resisting, consider the impacts this could have on your future and current relationships and journal about your discoveries. 

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